Sunday, December 11, 2011

DON'T YOU DARE "FRACK" ON MY PARADE.

DON'T YOU DARE "FRACK" ON MY PARADE (Frazer Chronicle)
I am mortified by what the Environmental Protection Agency is alleging with regards to how natural gas and some oil have been taken from the ground for the past 20 years or so. The process, referred to as "Fracking," has been in use for years and involves injecting liquid into a drill hole that can be as deep as 5 or 6 thousand feet.

The "Fracking" liquid actually forces either oil, or natural gas, or in some cases both out of the ground and into a tank for storage and transportation to a refining facility where a usable product is refined.....and I get paid. ....that's right, "I get paid."

You see, my wonderful in laws retained the mineral rights to around 80 acres, when their house was sold. My two brother-in-laws, "both wonderful men" and my lovely wife retained these mineral rights even after my Father-in-law passed, and my dear, dear Mother-in-law was laid to rest several years later.

"Spearheading" the family drive to become petroleum (moguls) is my crafty business-man brother-in-law, Pat, who I must add makes a nifty trailer at his ship. Trailers by Kelley is in the Traverse City, Michigan phone book, "yellow pages," if you need a trailer.....call him.

My brother-in-laws, Mike and Pat, and my wife leased our mineral rights to a development company for three years, and they in turn are contacting drilling companies for the purpose of drilling for oil and gas. The measure is simple, when they make a strike, the family; "my business partners" get every 8th barrel of product.

I am personally hoping for a "gusher" a big strike, maybe the biggest in the United States, or the world. Fracking be damned, I want my part of the American dream. I want a Cadillac, an S.U.V. a pick-up and Hummer parked my drive, "which will have to be enlarged."

I want money in the bank; have to hire an accountant, a lawyer and a "polish man," "you know....a guy who just polishes your car 5 days a week." I also want a maid, one of those women with great legs who can't speak English.

I want to live where it never snows again.....year round and the temperature doesn't ever see the bottom side of 60 degrees. Ah yes, warm in the winter, warm in the summer, you can't beat that. There are so many things that I want, every time I stop to think about it, I have been told that my eyes fog over and I kinda drool at the sides of my mouth.

Independent wealth is what I want, it's what I need and it's what I desire. I swear to God that I will do good things with some of the money, honest I will. Foundations, free clinics and scholarship funds for under privileged kids, I'll do it all.

I only have one rule that I have established for my impending wealth, it "wealth" has to be enough or I won't be able to do my good work. A big gusher would take care of all my philanthropic plans, I could do so many good things, and even I can't believe it.

So.....let’s make it a gusher, a "cap blower" the biggest strike in American history. Fracking is good, fracking is great, fracking is even healthy, and the Federal Government doesn't know a thing about the effects of the process.

"Wish us luck," maybe the company should be called 'Kelley Wells', a division of the "Frazer Chronicle," that sounds nice, who knows, I could even be President.




No comments:

Post a Comment