THE SLOW RAISE OF HEALTHY EATING! (Frazer Chronicles)
Picture it, "a table full of hot dogs, hamburgers, (dripping blood), big thick buns, potato chips, dip, coolers full of ice cold beer, (no lite beer), topped off with fruit pies and cakes." Sounds like paradise to me, a truly great summer-time feast of the Gods.
The only banquet that I can think of that might be better then a summer picnic of the Gods would be a mid-winter "eat-out" of deep fried chicken, potato wedges and imported Cob corn and some mischief cake full of chocolate.
Bags of chips, dips, peanuts, cigars, throw in a few candy bars and my channel changer and I'm ready for the challenges of the winter. My television watching and the snacks get me through the long, dark winter hours with ease. In fact, I don't even get the winter blues like I used to, "I'm happy."
I emerge from my winter hibernation little worse from the ware, albeit, a few pounds heavier, but content, armed with all sorts of new knowledge from my winter's T.V. schedule of Tru-T.V. Cold Case Files, Law and Order, National Geographic and H.B.O. late night.
I realize that my life style isn't the most "healthiest" but hell, I can work of the excess poundage during my spring-time ritual of lawn care, oil changing in my lawn mower and the trimming of the under-brush on my estate.
During a typical day, the sharp pains I sometimes feel in my chest are nothing more then gas, brought on by the 3 eggs, bacon, toast and 2 donuts that I had for breakfast. The wheezing sounds that accompany my efforts to breath are nothing more then being out of shape, and they will depart once I get myself into better shape.
By 10:00 A.M. I'm tired, ready for a mid-morning nap, so I stumble to the house and my bed and blanky. By noon, I'm hungry, make myself a big sandwich of chopped baloney, grab some chips and a soda, and ready myself for an active afternoon. However, by 3:00 P.M. I'm ready for another nap, and anyways, my wife will be home from work and it'll be time for good old supper and some Tru- T.V.
Mashed potato's, gravy and fried pork chops for supper round out my day. I wash it down with a couple of Budweiser's, saving room for a big hunk of cherry pie. Ah yes, retired life is great, nothing to do but live off the fat of the land.
Have a doctors appointment in a couple of weeks, gonna really start working on my weight.....tomorrow. I suppose my blood sugar is up, "I know my weight is." Flipping channels, "sure wish they'd come up with a mind controlled channel changer," you know, "where you just think of the channel, and the television magically turns to that channel," that would be neat, "I'm gonna have to work on that one."
Anyways, flipping through the channels, I come across the food network and I stop and began watching. The lady is talking about eating health, and stopping most all the foods that are in my food groups, sugar, potato chips, red meat and snack foods.
How dare this channel and this bitch talk about my food groups, and the damage that they can do to a person's system and long term health. She also talks about how eating healthy can cost as much as $400 extra a year. That's $400 I can spend for beer, red meat and hot dogs, how the hell can this person so "matter of factly" take away $400 from my food budget?
My annual visit to our family doctor lets me know exactly how my life style has impacted me, and my life expectancy. My Doc. is a real straight forward guy, leaves little or no doubt to what is happening with my health. He has one simple word, STOP, or die, "sorry that's 3 words." No matter, I am now starting to eat more greens, less sugars, starch's red meat and carbohydrates, &*%#@@, but I guess I'll live longer.
I'm 67 years old and I figure if I follow this "new" diet until I'm 70, I can go back to all the good food and if the doctor gives me 4 or 5 years, hell, I'd be 75 or so, and that would probably be enough time to live, so watch out Mr. Chip and Dip, "I'll be back."
Picture it, "a table full of hot dogs, hamburgers, (dripping blood), big thick buns, potato chips, dip, coolers full of ice cold beer, (no lite beer), topped off with fruit pies and cakes." Sounds like paradise to me, a truly great summer-time feast of the Gods.
The only banquet that I can think of that might be better then a summer picnic of the Gods would be a mid-winter "eat-out" of deep fried chicken, potato wedges and imported Cob corn and some mischief cake full of chocolate.
Bags of chips, dips, peanuts, cigars, throw in a few candy bars and my channel changer and I'm ready for the challenges of the winter. My television watching and the snacks get me through the long, dark winter hours with ease. In fact, I don't even get the winter blues like I used to, "I'm happy."
I emerge from my winter hibernation little worse from the ware, albeit, a few pounds heavier, but content, armed with all sorts of new knowledge from my winter's T.V. schedule of Tru-T.V. Cold Case Files, Law and Order, National Geographic and H.B.O. late night.
I realize that my life style isn't the most "healthiest" but hell, I can work of the excess poundage during my spring-time ritual of lawn care, oil changing in my lawn mower and the trimming of the under-brush on my estate.
During a typical day, the sharp pains I sometimes feel in my chest are nothing more then gas, brought on by the 3 eggs, bacon, toast and 2 donuts that I had for breakfast. The wheezing sounds that accompany my efforts to breath are nothing more then being out of shape, and they will depart once I get myself into better shape.
By 10:00 A.M. I'm tired, ready for a mid-morning nap, so I stumble to the house and my bed and blanky. By noon, I'm hungry, make myself a big sandwich of chopped baloney, grab some chips and a soda, and ready myself for an active afternoon. However, by 3:00 P.M. I'm ready for another nap, and anyways, my wife will be home from work and it'll be time for good old supper and some Tru- T.V.
Mashed potato's, gravy and fried pork chops for supper round out my day. I wash it down with a couple of Budweiser's, saving room for a big hunk of cherry pie. Ah yes, retired life is great, nothing to do but live off the fat of the land.
Have a doctors appointment in a couple of weeks, gonna really start working on my weight.....tomorrow. I suppose my blood sugar is up, "I know my weight is." Flipping channels, "sure wish they'd come up with a mind controlled channel changer," you know, "where you just think of the channel, and the television magically turns to that channel," that would be neat, "I'm gonna have to work on that one."
Anyways, flipping through the channels, I come across the food network and I stop and began watching. The lady is talking about eating health, and stopping most all the foods that are in my food groups, sugar, potato chips, red meat and snack foods.
How dare this channel and this bitch talk about my food groups, and the damage that they can do to a person's system and long term health. She also talks about how eating healthy can cost as much as $400 extra a year. That's $400 I can spend for beer, red meat and hot dogs, how the hell can this person so "matter of factly" take away $400 from my food budget?
My annual visit to our family doctor lets me know exactly how my life style has impacted me, and my life expectancy. My Doc. is a real straight forward guy, leaves little or no doubt to what is happening with my health. He has one simple word, STOP, or die, "sorry that's 3 words." No matter, I am now starting to eat more greens, less sugars, starch's red meat and carbohydrates, &*%#@@, but I guess I'll live longer.
I'm 67 years old and I figure if I follow this "new" diet until I'm 70, I can go back to all the good food and if the doctor gives me 4 or 5 years, hell, I'd be 75 or so, and that would probably be enough time to live, so watch out Mr. Chip and Dip, "I'll be back."
No comments:
Post a Comment